Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
