Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
