Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
