im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
