I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
