yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
