Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
