I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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