im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
as a side note pls kill me
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
