I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
