there's paper in my vomit.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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