Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Couch. On fire.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
