just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
