I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
