You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
cat food counts as protein by the way
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
