mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
