Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
