I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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