Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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