are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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