I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
