How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
