I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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