the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
