The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
