Will you blow on my dice?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
