I just cut my nipple shaving
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
