You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
