you guys were way drunker than both of me
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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