Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Mom said you looked used
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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