it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
