My nipple is on Facebook.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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