I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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