Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
