note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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