I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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