I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
