Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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