your room smells of hookers.
And success
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
