Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize