I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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