i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Panties = found
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
