i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
