You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
