When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
