Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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