I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
