My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
