Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
