your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
