if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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