She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
