I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
