So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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