I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
