My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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