I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
