but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
