"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
