All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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