You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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