I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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