How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
love makes seman taste better
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
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