It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
