I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
