is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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