its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
