there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
