do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
