Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
