My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
